America, Black and White, life, life lessons, random, Uncategorized, Untitled

When I was in college I watched a lot of movies. It didn’t matter how B-grade they were, if it was on torrentz I would watch it. One of the movies I saw during this time was The Invention of Lying. The movie was an epic fail but today while I was thinking in the shower (the other place I do my thinking is on the bed) I recollected this movie. The movie was bad but imagine if none of us told lies. We would just tell people what we thought about them and lying isn’t even an option. Would relationships survive in a situation like this? No matter how much we love some one, how much of the truth can we handle?

Most of us may say small white lies, not for defending ourselves but in the belief that we’re protecting the other person from the harsh truth.  Its not easy being entirely truthful either. To be entirely truthful the person you’re answering to must be able to take in whatever you reveal to them or you must live a perfect life with no space for error. But we’re human and our life is a train wreck.

Maybe honesty is over rated. Maybe white lies are needed to keep the world running. Women need to be told their rear doesn’t look fat in that dress and we have to say “It was nice meeting you” when in truth it was awful. I guess that is just how the world functions and if it weren’t for this, the world as we know it would end.

Or maybe we should lead such perfect lives that the need for telling  a white lie or telling a truth that doesn’t hurt someone is unnecessary.

So what is better? Telling the small white lies in the belief that we’re protecting others, being truthful or leading the perfect life?

America, Untitled

We celebrated Eid yesterday. No, I didn’t make biriyani. I know that’s like Muslim Wife Faux Pas so can we just move on already. Yes, I wore a pretty dress. I looked decent enough. We went out for Eid dinner. It was a nice day but it felt like my heart wasn’t in the right place and I couldn’t put my finger on what felt wrong.

My favorite thing of late is fairy lights. I love them. They look so pretty and make me happy. The street we went to for dinner was lined with these lights. It was probably the only festive thing I saw yesterday.

I’ve been in a funk the past couple of days. I feel exhausted, mind, body and soul. I’m trying to pull myself out but some days its like quick sand.

But I gotta say, I do whip up a mean cake. Like, MEAN.

So mean I had it for breakfast.

So mean I’m gonna have one right now.

America, life, Untitled

Why is it August already? Where is the year running to? Calm down, 2013. You will get where you’re going eventually, no need to sprint.

July was pretty eventful what with Ramadan and everything. I made some decent food and ate some delicious food. I had an iftar party, which was a first. Jay bought a huge box of mangoes so we had mango juice and mango lassi a few days in a row. I visited the beautiful Legion of Honor in San Francisco, one of the best Sundays ever.

I have a few personal projects planned for this month and a huge pile of books to be read. So August, please oh please be good to me.


Tip – Watching the Food Network while your fasting, NOT a good idea.


books, quotes, Untitled

“The best thing for being sad”, replied Merlin, beginning to  puff  and blow, “is to learn something. That’s the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honor trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then – to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust , never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”

-T.H.White, The Once and Future King

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“Be it wealth, fame, career success, or a happy marriage, the nature of the goal itself is less important than identifying the heart’s deepest desire and- without question, fear or apology-going out to get it.”

– Women from the Ankle Down: The Story of Shoes and How They Define Us, Rachelle Bergstein

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“I don’t think it would have all got me quite so down if just once in a while- just once in a while- there was at least some polite little perfunctory implication that knowledge should lead to wisdom, and that if it doesn’t, it’s just a disgusting waste of time!”

– Franny and Zooey, J.D.Salinger

America, Bhaarath Mahaan, Black and White, life, madras, my crazy days, Uncategorized, Untitled

Dear Madras,

I hope you remember me. I miss you. It’s going to be six months since we’ve been separated and not a day goes by where I don’t think of you. Every time I walk out it’s silent and beautiful but I can’t help comparing my surroundings to you. I miss the crows cawing. I miss the sound of autos and the blazing heat on my forehead.

Please know it was never my intention to leave you. You know how fiercely I love. And loving you was inevitable. I breathed your air for twenty two years. We might have had a love/hate relationship but love always triumphs. I can’t seem to recollect a time when you’ve wronged me.

You remember the first proper article I ever wrote in college was about you. You play such a big role in my life even though we are miles apart. Remember all those long summer days when I cursed you for being so hot? Well, I could use some warmth right now. Living in a new country with no friends during the dreary winter is the perfect formula for depression to resurface. I’m using all my energy to keep from falling in to the dark pit.

If anyone knows my love for my clothes, it’s you. But here I have to wear a giant coat under my nice clothes and all that black is making me color blind. I miss leaving the house with just a layer of clothing and flip flops.

I miss your sunshine. I miss how happy you made me feel. I miss how I spent the best times of my life with you. You made me feel so carefree. You put me down, you picked me up and gave me the pat on the back that I so needed. You’ve seen my absolute worst and were a part of my best days.

I miss the beach so much it hurts. I want to roll on the sand and jump in the water. Remember that day in Fisherman’s Cove when the water just perfect? That was one of the happiest days of my life. I can’t count the number of times we used to bunk college with my friends and end up going to the beach. The beach played such a big part in my life. I used to drive there with my friends as and when we pleased and we would just have the best time. I haven’t gone to a beach yet here. I can’t wait to see if it matches up to yours. Even if it does, yours is always my number one favorite.

I can’t wait to come back to you again. But I am scared that when I do come around in a few years you would have changed and you wouldn’t be the same Madras that I left back. I want to say, “Please, baby, don’t change.”. But that is selfish of me. But I can say, please don’t become unrecognizable. I don’t want to land there one day and not recognize anything. That is my biggest fear. Please know that no matter where I go in life I will always love you with all my heart. Reminiscing about you will always bring tears to my eyes.

I don’t care if India Today finally decided to rate you as the number one city in India. You will always and forever be my number one city. New York was an amazing weekend. San Francisco always surprises me. You always make me happy. And that is all I ever want from life.

I love you and miss you.

Your girl,


America, Uncategorized, Untitled
This is my first winter in this country and although it doesn’t snow where I live, the climate is very, very cold. And that’s okay. You turn up the heat, layer up and grab a mug of hot chocolate and you will feel warm enough. But that doesn’t prepare you for the depression. When I look out the window I don’t see warm sunshine and the birds chirping. I only see dark, depressing gloom and an obese squirrel struggling to run on my balcony. I can’t wait for summer, and for sunshine. I can’t wait to go out without layering up. Summer, come soon.