life, my crazy days

Exams are round the corner and here I am yet to start studying! Study holidays are when my creative juices flow over time and I spend all my time in thinking and planning on things to do during the holidays.

Summer holidays as a kid used to be so much fun. Almost two months of uninterrupted merry-making. When school ended for summer I used to come home running, excitement literally bouncing off me. We used to have a loft in my old house, which was probably my mother’s favorite place. It contained all the junk we collected over the years and my suitcase of random toys and crap that I picked up. I’m now ashamed to admit that I was a big time Barbie addict.

Yes, I had Barbie, Skipper and Kelly too!

I used to spend the entire summer dressing and redressing my dolls and being my brother’s guinea pig. Evenings were spent playing ‘lock and key’ and ‘chain’ with the kids in my apartment. Late, late breakfasts and special lunches everyday. The tv would be on 24 hours and no one complained. And when my brother joined the football team in school he used to practice on me. We used to play one on one football.

No points for guessing who won.

As I grew up I started to play quite a few games. I spent almost three summers playing tennis at a local school. Most of my memories from summer are from there. Then it was time for swimming. I spent the next three to four summers swimming. Summers were so blissful and so carefree. Everything was relaxed. The weather was never this terrible. All through summer we just had fun and ate ice creams and lived without a care.

Ever since I entered college, semester exams take place during peak summer, exactly when schools close. And the one month holiday is just enough to sleep and get up and watch movies. And worrying about the results, of course.

I would give anything to rewind my life back to the days when everything was perfect. Now its all about the future. Everyone is busy with their lives. Everyone wants to get ahead. Which is good. Yes, we have to look towards the future and work for it. But does this mean we can forget our past and our friends just because we found something that’s remotely better?

At this point in life everyone is saving their own ass. We have this one year to make or break and its all about the future. Careers, families and self. No time to think. No time to stop and stare. Everything is accelerated. When everything is moving super fast I don’t want to be the one left back and watching all this happen in front of me. I want to be focused and pumped up to. But its hard to when your heart longs for the past, longs for the childish smiles and the atmosphere of security and radiance.

Its hard to hope when I’ve lost friends who promised to be there.
It’s hard when I’ve given up so much of myself without realizing.
It’s hard when I cannot be the person I want to be.
It’s hard living a monotonous life when I know and feel in my veins that I’m made for greater things.

It’s hard when I wake up every day regretting the decisions that I made.

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