I can feel the monster coming. I can feel him nudge his way back in to my life. I see his darkness on the horizon and I know he is coming to get me again. I feel him eating up my soul, I feel him shrouding my thoughts with darkness. He covers my heart with blackness and makes me doubt my very existence. His grey tendrils form a noose around my neck and slowly attempt to drag me back in to the pit where doubt reigns sovereign.
But this time I try not to be led in. I try to fight away. I fight back from the darkness. My sun makes way for the light. I intend to make the gloom disappear. I want to turn the black to white. My white should be blinding, my white should be bright, my white should be my strength, my life. I strive to make the smoke disappear. And with one breath, with one acceptance and one affirmation of who I am he disappears in a puff of smoke.
For me it is like fighting desires.
I know. It feels the same,