Some mornings I wake up feeling bright and happy. By the time night comes I’m floating in self pity. This is something that was most familiar to me. I tried so hard to come out of it. But it felt like quick sand and I felt myself being sucked in again. And again. Is there no end to this madness? Is there no end to this darkness that eats away my soul? What is going to make me feel better? A tub of ice cream or a time machine? The distant future doesn’t seem so distant anymore. It always feels like opportunities are flying past me. Stop and think. Stop and grab.
Or maybe it’s just PMS.
Phoenix
As humans we are so judgmental. Whether we accept it or not, we are judgmental some way or the other. We shouldn’t assume something about a person without knowing their story. It took me a while to realize that every one has a story. Every one has fought demons, sailed through oceans, conquered their fears and have arrived at this point, this place in life. And we take the liberty to judge them based on the little knowledge that we have. This knowledge has made you who you are. We don’t think think that not every one needs to have the same life lesson. We are all broken, trying to fix the pieces of our lives. We are trying to save what little is left. We are trying to gather the ruins and form a decent version of ourselves. Everyone is struggling. Everyone is fighting demons on the inside. Everyone wants to be the Phoenix. We all want to rise from the ashes, for in that strength lies our lives and everything that we live for.
This is more a letter to myself. I need to keep reminding myself of this often.
Movie Night
I almost forgot to write a post today. I made pepper chicken today. It didn’t turn out like my mothers chicken but it was close enough. We watched Karan Johar’s Student of the Year movie while having dinner. My thoughts :
1) The two main guys in the movie looked exactly alike.
2) Alia Bhatt can’t act or emote. But she can always look like she just came from chopping a sack of onions.
3) Alia Bhatt always forgets to wear her pants.
4) Tomboy girl has serious hair issues.
5) Hi-fi English speaking school has only like fifty students.
6) None of the kids in the aforementioned high school look like they study.
7) All the male high school students look like they’re on steroids.
8) I should have known better than to watch this movie.
Two for one.
Every time before I make breakfast I turn up the stove and then decide what to make. I will have egg today, I decided. So I broke the egg in a bowl and what I saw in it scared me. I broke ONE egg. There was ONE portion of white and TWO portions of yolk joined together in the center. It looked like a Venn Diagram! I’m not particularly fond of ingesting a genetically modified egg with two yolks, so I dumped the egg down the garbage disposal. My friend told me that it was a pair of twins. Mommy hen must be pretty pissed.
Proof :
Cold, outside and in my nose.
I want to think of something nice to write today to keep up with the marathon. But my stuffy nose and persistent headache aren’t letting me. So for today, this is it.
Sayonara.
I’m doing okay.
People in this country are so friendly, it took me a while to get used to it. I come from Chennai where people are not particularly that friendly. I mean, I never had the experience of walking to my local grocery store (Ayyanar Stores) and have the boy who works there ask me how I’m doing today. I would just go and be like one Maggi packet please . I then pay him the money and leave. But here it’s hard. I have to always think of response to the question “Hey how you guys doing?”. Initially I would just smile and walk away but later I realized the pressure of having something to say in response to that question which seems to be the first thing every store clerk wants to ask. Do I tell them the truth that I’m not doing that great or do I just say oh I’m doing good, how are you and have a conversation that both of us really don’t want to be in? After a while I seemed to have found a response that can’t be deemed as curt or lengthy. I just say fine, thanks and give them a dazzling smile. I thought I worked that out just fine and was out of the danger zone. But then the cashiers at the department store started saying “Have a good night, guys!” when we left. I was stumped. What do I do now? Smile, nod or say “You too”? I settled for smile and nod. I didn’t want to hold up the line.
In Chennai the only person with whom I had to actually converse with outside my immediate circle was the auto man with his permanent request of “meter ku malle anju roova“. Of course I had to say no I cannot part with my anju roova you thief and then we would engage in a little not so friendly banter that would end with me just giving him the anju roova to make him shut up.
I miss the good old days when I could just leave the house without having someone ask me how I’m doing and me having to evaluate my feelings of the day. Some days I don’t want to know how I’m doing, perky Starbucks girl, so please just give me my hazelnut hot chocolate and let me get on with my day.
And no whipped cream, thank you very much.
Thank you.
Good morning breakfast!
Today, breakfast was scrumptious, thanks to Trader Joe’s Super Nutty Toffee Clusters that absolutely made my day. Corn flakes with a bunch of nuts, what more could you want? How about Toffee Clusters that taste exactly like caramel popcorn! Whaat?! Ya ha!! This caramel popcorn cereal makes my mornings a hundred times better. This is also another thing I like about this country, the variety of cereal. Caramel popcorn cereal, who woulda thought!
Perfect Sunday Brunch.
Pongal and vadai, Madurai Idli Shop, Sunnyvale
Maybe In Madras 