I Talk to Myself

“What shall we have for breakfast?”

“You want dosa?”

“Mmm.. don’t feel like dosa.”

“Here have a banana.”

“No. I want something else.”

“There is nothing else. Don’t have breakfast.”

“But I’m hungry.”

“Just eat something and stop annoying me.”

“I feel like French toast. There’s some old white bread.”

“No white bread. You should stop eating, you fatso!”

“So French toast with some butter and powdered sugar will be good.”

“Fatty!”

“But I haven’t had buttered toast in forever!”

“Its okay. No breakfast.”

“French toast!”

“No!”

“Butter!”

“Fatty!”

“Sugar!”

“No!”

“French toast!”

“NO!”

“French toast!”

“NO!”

“FRENCH TOAST!!!”

“Okay.”

***

I had French toast for breakfast.

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Faith and Freedom

Yesterday I was talking to my friend S, who is from South Korea about the differences in our countries and our families. “I had an arranged marriage”, I told her.

“So you and your husband are same religion?”, she asked.

“Yes.”

“Oh, we are not. My husband is Christian and I am Buddhist but I’ve never been to a temple. In my country we have no religion. I go to church every Sunday because it makes my husband happy. But I do not understand when the priest talks. I think, how can they believe in God. But I hope that my son believes in God when he grows up, maybe it will help him when something happens to him.”

Then she proceeded to tell me about another girl she met who was on an R (refugee) visa as she had to flee from Iran because of religious persecution.

On one end was this woman who did not have a trace of any religion yet, wanted the opposite for her child. At the other end of the spectrum was a woman who had to leave her country to hold on to her beliefs.

I realize how lucky I am to have grown up where I did – India, where the streets are dirty and cows wander by. India, where I could practise my religion freely. I went to school with Hindus, Muslims and Christians. We made Pongal on Pongal day and exchanged biriyani and cakes on respective occasions. My neighbors were Hindus and my bestest friends are Christians. I respect their belief, and they mine. I did not have to think twice about talking about prayers or wearing a headscarf. I studied in a convent where the values they taught me were the same as what my parents did. I had freedom all along and never really realized how bad it is for others who don’t.

I also understand that this may not be true for everyone who lives in India. But I thank God that the South is peaceful, that the people may not be hip and modern but they are tolerant and loving.

Honestly speaking, ever since I moved to the US I’ve been afraid of my headscarf instigating others, thanks to the countless stories I hear. But, thankfully, that all these fears were only in my mind. I have never felt awkward or threatened here. I did have my fears while riding the bus every day. There are a lot of crazy people in America and by crazy I mean for real crazy, like people mumbling stuff, screaming expletives, reciting poetry randomly, etc. I know its uncalled for but I was always worried one of them might say something to me. The only things that I had thrown at me were nice things – “You look really good in that”, and by that they meant my scarf. This made me happy. And now I finally feel like I belong.

It took me 24 years to realize how important it is to have the freedom to stick to your beliefs. But what if you have all the freedom in the world and still do not believe? Like the case of my friend S. Maybe she does not have religion because she does not feel the need for it in her life. That’s a freedom too. But what if she just never had the opportunity to experience the other side? Maybe her parents were not religious at all, and that’s a missed opportunity right there. Her country did not believe in any religion, that’s another one. But now she has a husband whom she accompanies to church every Sunday. I really hope that she gets to fill that void of God and the what, why, who’s with a little faith.

 

Sugar? Sugar.

How is my sugar-less February going? Okay, firstly I decided I’m not entirely off sugar. I do add half a teaspoon or so in my tea. I planned to give up chocolates, cookies, muffins, cakes, dessert, you know all the good stuff. On Saturday though I did indulge in a blueberry muffin. They are my new favorites now – blueberry muffins. And I did eat an entire Cliff bar because there won’t anything else and I was hungry.

This week I will try to stick to the half a teaspoon sugar and cut out the energy bar. I have an unopened box of coconut cookies calling out my name but I plan to resist the urge. Fruits have been such a savior though. Natural sugars are so much more sweeter than artificial sugars! I had the most sweets apple the other day for dessert and a huge bunch of grapes yesterday. I love grapes. They make me so happy.

I hope the fruits keep me on the right track!

 

Boy 1 : I need to pull an all nighter today.

Tracy : The only time I’ve ever pulled an all nighter was till 4 AM. It happened when I was Italy. (excited) So its

really late in the night and we’re returning from a club and I was chased down the street by a bunch of these

Italian guys! I am not kidding! And I was like, running.. actually for the first time in my life, sprinting down

the streets! It was so weird! Italy sucks.

 

***

I swear I’m not making this up. These are real conversations I overhear on campus.

I lost my grandfather over the weekend. It was the kind of thing I knew would happen sometime but wasn’t ready to accept. It still is a hard for me to really grasp the reality of it but I guess I never will.

I realize that God puts us through these situations for us to come to terms with the magnitude of our living. For every beginning there is an end. To dust do we belong and to that shall we return. But what we do within the time that is given to us is important. I feel that time is flying by and I need to stop, make myself useful, do good things and not wish for my purpose to be sent to me but to make a purpose out of myself.

This world is like a fistful of sand. The more we try to hold on to it, the more it slips away from us.

Day 24 – Sugar

I have a few mini goals that I’d like to accomplish. I decide I won’t tell them to anyone (even The H) because every time I say I’m going to do something I end up not doing it. This time around I decided that in order to really push myself and make sure I do it, I will publish it on the Interwebz for the world to see. I will at least stick to my guns out of embarrassment.

I have decided to stay off sugar for a month. Pre marriage days I had a great diet. I didn’t eat any kind of sweets, reduced sugar in my tea, cut out the carbs and exercised a whole lot. But after the wedding with the stress of moving to a new place and finding that the new place was filled with delightful treats, all the clean eating went right out the window. Over the past year my diet has fluctuated a lot. I felt pretty good before I went to the Motherland for a vacation. I was reasonably okay while I was there too. But I came back home with suitcases filled with deep fried goodies and a huge load of sweets. I then proceeded to finish off everything diligently. Now I am lugging around an extra few pounds that I could do without. The first day I decided to stop the eating and start the exercising I tripped over my own feet and sprained my ankle. Murphy’s Law literally rules my life.

So I’ve finally decided that I will start off with one thing at a time. The first round is exercising and cutting out sugar for  a month. Since I intend to start this regime from Monday, I ended this week with two absolutely, mind-numbingly delicious cupcakes from Fairy Cupcakes. I honestly cannot stress how perfect they are.

Here’s to a sugar-free (and hopefully not cranky ’cause we already have PMS and God knows, if anything brings on the cranky its that) month!

Day 23 – Summer

Today was a long day. I had a huge salad and some extremely chewy Australian lamb for dinner. No meat tastes like good ol’ Indian mutton. The meat here had such a strong ‘lamb’ taste and I’m not a big fan of beef, although I’m trying to change that.

Goodnight Interwebz. My brain hurts if I think some more.

 

Side note: Could Summer just get here already? I’m tired of sweaters and layers. I need me some California sunshine and a day by the beach. Ahh.. the beach. I know what I’m dreaming of tonight.