America, Bhaarath Mahaan, Black and White, madras, my crazy days, random, Travel, Uncategorized, Untitled

Last week I took a seventeen hour flight from San Francisco to Dubai and another five hour flight from Dubai to Madras. In the first leg of my journey I sat with two boisterous Afghan women, one whose hair rivalled Cruella De Vil.

The Economy class gives one no option but to befriend your fellow passenger, and considering its seventeen hours you’d almost become BFFs. But isn’t that the most basic of human tendencies? The ability to friend a stranger? Growing up my mother always warned me about strangers. She would drill the Little Red Riding Hood story in to my head and would remind me about the wolf every time I walked alone to my bus stop.

But growing up I’ve realised that not all strangers are bad. In fact the wolves could be people you meet every day.

My theory that urine and phenol is the first smell that hits you when you land in Madras has been verified yet again. Honestly speaking though, I missed the smell of phenol. I always associated it with cleanliness.

Seeing foreign returned Uncles and Aunties at the airport is a nice time pass while waiting in line for immigration. The clothes they come up with are mind boggling. I saw an uncle wearing grey satin pants carrying a leather backpack. Go ahead, imagine.
Aunties wearing silk sarees and sneakers is the norm.

Madras seems a little different, like it’s lost its old world charm. I’ve only been away a year so maybe I’ve lost mine.

America, Black and White, life, life lessons, random, Uncategorized, Untitled

When I was in college I watched a lot of movies. It didn’t matter how B-grade they were, if it was on torrentz I would watch it. One of the movies I saw during this time was The Invention of Lying. The movie was an epic fail but today while I was thinking in the shower (the other place I do my thinking is on the bed) I recollected this movie. The movie was bad but imagine if none of us told lies. We would just tell people what we thought about them and lying isn’t even an option. Would relationships survive in a situation like this? No matter how much we love some one, how much of the truth can we handle?

Most of us may say small white lies, not for defending ourselves but in the belief that we’re protecting the other person from the harsh truth.  Its not easy being entirely truthful either. To be entirely truthful the person you’re answering to must be able to take in whatever you reveal to them or you must live a perfect life with no space for error. But we’re human and our life is a train wreck.

Maybe honesty is over rated. Maybe white lies are needed to keep the world running. Women need to be told their rear doesn’t look fat in that dress and we have to say “It was nice meeting you” when in truth it was awful. I guess that is just how the world functions and if it weren’t for this, the world as we know it would end.

Or maybe we should lead such perfect lives that the need for telling  a white lie or telling a truth that doesn’t hurt someone is unnecessary.

So what is better? Telling the small white lies in the belief that we’re protecting others, being truthful or leading the perfect life?

America, Bhaarath Mahaan, Black and White, life, madras, my crazy days, Uncategorized, Untitled

Dear Madras,

I hope you remember me. I miss you. It’s going to be six months since we’ve been separated and not a day goes by where I don’t think of you. Every time I walk out it’s silent and beautiful but I can’t help comparing my surroundings to you. I miss the crows cawing. I miss the sound of autos and the blazing heat on my forehead.

Please know it was never my intention to leave you. You know how fiercely I love. And loving you was inevitable. I breathed your air for twenty two years. We might have had a love/hate relationship but love always triumphs. I can’t seem to recollect a time when you’ve wronged me.

You remember the first proper article I ever wrote in college was about you. You play such a big role in my life even though we are miles apart. Remember all those long summer days when I cursed you for being so hot? Well, I could use some warmth right now. Living in a new country with no friends during the dreary winter is the perfect formula for depression to resurface. I’m using all my energy to keep from falling in to the dark pit.

If anyone knows my love for my clothes, it’s you. But here I have to wear a giant coat under my nice clothes and all that black is making me color blind. I miss leaving the house with just a layer of clothing and flip flops.

I miss your sunshine. I miss how happy you made me feel. I miss how I spent the best times of my life with you. You made me feel so carefree. You put me down, you picked me up and gave me the pat on the back that I so needed. You’ve seen my absolute worst and were a part of my best days.

I miss the beach so much it hurts. I want to roll on the sand and jump in the water. Remember that day in Fisherman’s Cove when the water just perfect? That was one of the happiest days of my life. I can’t count the number of times we used to bunk college with my friends and end up going to the beach. The beach played such a big part in my life. I used to drive there with my friends as and when we pleased and we would just have the best time. I haven’t gone to a beach yet here. I can’t wait to see if it matches up to yours. Even if it does, yours is always my number one favorite.

I can’t wait to come back to you again. But I am scared that when I do come around in a few years you would have changed and you wouldn’t be the same Madras that I left back. I want to say, “Please, baby, don’t change.”. But that is selfish of me. But I can say, please don’t become unrecognizable. I don’t want to land there one day and not recognize anything. That is my biggest fear. Please know that no matter where I go in life I will always love you with all my heart. Reminiscing about you will always bring tears to my eyes.

I don’t care if India Today finally decided to rate you as the number one city in India. You will always and forever be my number one city. New York was an amazing weekend. San Francisco always surprises me. You always make me happy. And that is all I ever want from life.

I love you and miss you.

Your girl,


America, Black and White, life, TV times

Beyonce Bowl.

Yesterday I watched the ‘greatest sporting event in the world’, American football. Greatest sporting even in the world because half the world just wanted to watch the half time show and the remaining half is America. I don’t understand American football. I don’t want to even attempt to understand it. Because it’s sports and I’m a woman, so according to GoDaddy’s controversial Super Bowl ad I’m just supposed to wear lipstick and look like Bar Rafeli in a mini dress while men, specifically fat nerds do all the work.

Beyonce performed at the half time show. Girlfriend wanted to prove that she could sing after the inauguration lip sync fiasco so she wore a costume that proved as a necessary distraction. Man, you should have seen her strutting her stuff on six inch heels. The only reason I liked Beyonce was because she promoted a good body image for young girls. She isn’t emaciated thin but round and curvy and girls know that it’s okay to be that way and not anorexic. But wearing glorified lingerie even if it is leather and Chantilly lace is taking things too far.

Are we now telling girls that strength is determined by how little clothes you can wear? That confidence can only be shown by showing how “comfortable” you are with your sexuality? We are saying no, sex isn’t just for the bedroom, it’s okay to walk out and say it like you mean it. Some people call this pop culture. I’m sorry, but I think is just a poor excuse.

Girls need to have stronger role models. Women who have stood up and fought for what’s right, women who are smart. Not a woman who is SO confident with her sexuality that is ready to wear only highly essential pieces of clothing.

The world is so biased that young girls who look to music as an escape from a terrible present are presented with a fatwa since music is considered ‘bad’ on one side of the world and the other end of the world appreciates how finely Beyonce gyrates.

Black and White, faith, life, life lessons

Thank you.

There are times when I forget to be thankful. I go long periods without realizing the small mercies in life that I should be thankful for. I just continue to live my life, happy in my own bubble when it suddenly hits me that I haven’t thanked Him for anything. I wake up every morning assuming this how it is going to be every day. I don’t realize that I may not wake up one day. I have food and water at my disposal. I don’t think twice about turning on the heat when I feel cold. I take it all for granted when suddenly it hits me – all this could be taken away from me at any second. I see homeless people outside my house wrapped up in what little clothes they can find, braving the cold and my heart is humbled and my eyes fill with tears. I silently whisper a prayer to Him to protect the people who don’t have much. I thank Him for giving me everything I need and more. For giving me a warm and comfortable house, for family that loves me no matter what, for a husband who is kind and for my life as a whole. I’m thankful to be alive today, that I can go out and feel the wind. I’m thankful to Him for keeping me safe and happy. I hope to become a better person, to be more thankful, to be more faithful to Him for He has made my life a wonderful one. Thank you, for every single blessing.


America, Black and White, life, random


As humans we are so judgmental. Whether we accept it or not, we are judgmental some way or the other. We shouldn’t assume something about a person without knowing their story. It took me a while to realize that every one has a story. Every one has fought demons, sailed through oceans, conquered their fears and have arrived at this point, this place in life. And we take the liberty to judge them based on the little knowledge that we have. This knowledge has made you who you are. We don’t think think that not every one needs to have the same life lesson. We are all broken, trying to fix the pieces of our lives. We are trying to save what little is left. We are trying to gather the ruins and form a decent version of ourselves. Everyone is struggling. Everyone is fighting demons on the inside. Everyone wants to be the Phoenix. We all want to rise from the ashes, for in that strength lies our lives and everything that we live for.

This is more a letter to myself. I need to keep reminding myself of this often.

America, Black and White, faith, life lessons, Marriage

Tag! You’re it.

RM tagged everyone doing the blog marathon to do the year end tag. I’ve read the other blogger’s tag so here goes mine.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’ve never done before?

Umm.. I got married.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolution, and will you make more for next?

I didn’t have any resolutions for last year but I did manage to lose some weight that I had been carrying. So I was happy for that. I have made a few resolutions for this year. But gotta wait till the end of the year to see if I keep them. I hope I do though.

3. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

September 2nd, the day I got married and the weekend I went to New York.

4. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Achievements? I don’t think I had any.

5. What was your biggest failure?

My biggest failure was when I didn’t push more for what I wanted to do after college. I regret for not fighting harder.

6. Did you suffer illness?

Apart from the nasty cold and cough nothing much and Alhamdulillah (thanks to God) for that.

7. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My behavior, mostly and my parents at times.

8. Where did most of your money go?

Wedding clothes shopping.

9. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

a) Visiting New York and going to  The Met finally.

b) Universal Studios, LA

c) My birthday.  I get excited about this every year.

10) What song will always remind you of 2012?

Gangam Style for sure. I listened to it about a hundred times.

11) Compared to this time last year year are you happier or sadder?

Happier. Much happier.

12) What do you wish you’d done more of?

Spending time with family and friends, reading and writing.

13) What do you wish you’d done less of?

I wish I was less stuck up.

14) Did you fall in love in 2012?

Oh yes.

15) What/Who was your greatest musical discovery?

Umm.. Muse, I think.

16) What did you want and get?

I wanted a change and I’m glad I got it.

17) What did you want and not get?

Always want a Chanel bag. Will get myself one in the future and that’s a promise I make to myself.

18) What was your favorite film of this year?

I really liked Looper.. and Django. Oh and English Vinglish.

19) What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I wore a new dress and ate pizza. I was 23.

20)What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

This year was a big cake. If I had to have the cherry on top I would say.. ah I cant’ think of anything! This year was the cherry on top! (Thank God a million times.)

21) What kept you sane?

Having the hope that things will get better.

22) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012?

Everything happens for a reason.

23) Which new places did you visit in 2012?

So many! New York, Boston, LA and San Francisco. Had an amazing time in every place.

24) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Tonight, we are young.

So let’s set the world on fire.

We can burn brighter

Than the sun.

25) Tag some bloggers whose answers you would love to read.

I tag YOU.

And Dodeja.