For the past two weeks this really abnormal crow keeps coming to my closed window and tries to fly in but duh, the window is closed and so it tries to peck through my window.

Yes. Peck.

My window is full of scratches. And that darn bird keeps coming only when I reach the REM stage of my beauty sleep. So I’m all comfy sleepy dreaming about lying in a hammock in a pristine sea shore and then I hear:

“TOK TOK TOK TOK TOK TOK TOK TOK TOK TOKT”

“KA KA KA KA KA KA KA KAAAAAA KA KA KA TOK TOK KAKAKAKAAAA”

and all I really wanna do is to buy a gun and shoot that psychotic crow down.

My brother came up with a wonderfull theory on why the crow does what it does. He says “oh maybe the crow comes to your window and see its reflection and thinks that there is another crow and it wants to fight with it. Yeah.. thats why its pecking down your window. Or maybe you made it as crazy as you? What did you do to the crow? What did you do????”

First of all the crow can see its reflection in many places, not just my window but on water and… other peoples window. And second of all that was totally the lamest theory I’ve ever heard.

My Theory:

The crow is just plain mental and it has no idea its doing. And I’m trying to overcome my writers block and have end up in describing my relationship with a crow.
This is as good as it gets.

When I was a little girl there were so many things I wanted to be. An Arab princess, a mermaid, Miss.Universe, a news reader for the BBC, a journalist and then Harry Potter invasion happened and I wanted to be a witch. All these may be silly little things but to me, at that age, these were the highlights because I could relate to some character and find a piece of ‘me’ there. My ambitions were fleeting and were never constant. I read new books and discovered something in them I wanted to be. Almost every book I’ve read has taught me something about who I wanted to be. As the years went by I had an abstract idea about who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. Forever I thought of myself as a complex and a unique individual. I always thought myself as some character in a book I had read and I had lived my life in my own little dream world and I was very happy at that.

But somewhere along the line as I grew to understand the world and the people around me, I lost track of who I was. And unfortunate for me, I never realized it. It took me so long to realize that I have actually lost a part of my personality. And how or for what reason I don’t know. Now when the time has come for me to decide on what I want to be and do in life, I’m blank. I try to recollect the past and decide on something but nothing comes to me. Right at this moment I don’t know who I am and what defines me. I thought i knew very well and had everything cut out for me, but it doesn’t look like I do.

A thousand thoughts keep spinning through my head so fast that I don’t seem to catch one. A million things I want to be but I can’t point my finger on exactly what. I always felt that my life would be exciting and I had the feeling that something amazing and thrilling was bound to happen in my life. I still feel the same. But the uncertainty that it might not seems to kill me.

Confusion blossoms in my head. For what purpose I don’t seem to know. Is the world going crazy or is it just me? All i really want is to find myself again and to find something that inspires me and gives me some sort of an exhilaration.

Living life so monotonously has taken its toll on me.

Today was Valentine’s day. Oh hey.. one year since i started blogging! Happy Birthday you!
Today was the blah-est day of my life. Everything was so damn blah. I woke up at ten, watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. the whole day and just sat on the same couch for over two hours. This has been the long-est most boring saturday of my life.

I need to do something to make this blah-ness go away.

Plus I am so pathetic in life that I just Google-d myself. Thats how random I am.