Black and White, life, movies, random


I finally watched ‘Highway’ over the weekend. I loved the movie, the locations, everything. The underlying message of the movie was so subtle yet so strong. I love how they treated something as scary as sexual abuse with such a delicate hand. It wasn’t got through hurriedly. Apart from just entertainment, this is what movies are supposed to. They are supposed to open our eyes and help us discuss issues which we’d rather not talk about because its not polite.

Silencing victims of sexual abuse is probably the most cowardly thing to do. Imagine going through life with no one to actually hear what you are saying, subconsciously pressing the mute button when your insides are raging and screaming.

Opening up to someone about the abuse us definitely not easy. Opening up is reliving it, it is digging up stories that were safely buried. If someone comes to you wanting to talk about this, listen to them. They trusted you out of all the other people in their life. They trusted you would understand, that you would help them and that you’d realize why they are who they are.

Everyone deserves a voice. And everyone deserves to be heard.

life, life lessons, random

A Reminder to Myself

The past week I met two women who have inspired me. They didn’t let age, society or gender define them. They did what they wanted and pursued their passion. That’s the kind of person I want to be. I don’t want to be held back my the limitations I put on myself or by what society dictates I should do. I want to shield myself from the judgements of other people and protect myself form negative energy. What my second cousin twice removed’s maami’s husbands says about me or what my neighbors paati thinks I ought to do right now is of no importance.

Being true to myself should help me sleep better at a night.

America, Bhaarath Mahaan, faith, life, life lessons

Faith and Freedom

Yesterday I was talking to my friend S, who is from South Korea about the differences in our countries and our families. “I had an arranged marriage”, I told her.

“So you and your husband are same religion?”, she asked.


“Oh, we are not. My husband is Christian and I am Buddhist but I’ve never been to a temple. In my country we have no religion. I go to church every Sunday because it makes my husband happy. But I do not understand when the priest talks. I think, how can they believe in God. But I hope that my son believes in God when he grows up, maybe it will help him when something happens to him.”

Then she proceeded to tell me about another girl she met who was on an R (refugee) visa as she had to flee from Iran because of religious persecution.

On one end was this woman who did not have a trace of any religion yet, wanted the opposite for her child. At the other end of the spectrum was a woman who had to leave her country to hold on to her beliefs.

I realize how lucky I am to have grown up where I did – India, where the streets are dirty and cows wander by. India, where I could practise my religion freely. I went to school with Hindus, Muslims and Christians. We made Pongal on Pongal day and exchanged biriyani and cakes on respective occasions. My neighbors were Hindus and my bestest friends are Christians. I respect their belief, and they mine. I did not have to think twice about talking about prayers or wearing a headscarf. I studied in a convent where the values they taught me were the same as what my parents did. I had freedom all along and never really realized how bad it is for others who don’t.

I also understand that this may not be true for everyone who lives in India. But I thank God that the South is peaceful, that the people may not be hip and modern but they are tolerant and loving.

Honestly speaking, ever since I moved to the US I’ve been afraid of my headscarf instigating others, thanks to the countless stories I hear. But, thankfully, that all these fears were only in my mind. I have never felt awkward or threatened here. I did have my fears while riding the bus every day. There are a lot of crazy people in America and by crazy I mean for real crazy, like people mumbling stuff, screaming expletives, reciting poetry randomly, etc. I know its uncalled for but I was always worried one of them might say something to me. The only things that I had thrown at me were nice things – “You look really good in that”, and by that they meant my scarf. This made me happy. And now I finally feel like I belong.

It took me 24 years to realize how important it is to have the freedom to stick to your beliefs. But what if you have all the freedom in the world and still do not believe? Like the case of my friend S. Maybe she does not have religion because she does not feel the need for it in her life. That’s a freedom too. But what if she just never had the opportunity to experience the other side? Maybe her parents were not religious at all, and that’s a missed opportunity right there. Her country did not believe in any religion, that’s another one. But now she has a husband whom she accompanies to church every Sunday. I really hope that she gets to fill that void of God and the what, why, who’s with a little faith.


America, life, life lessons, random, Uncategorized, Untitled

I lost my grandfather over the weekend. It was the kind of thing I knew would happen sometime but wasn’t ready to accept. It still is a hard for me to really grasp the reality of it but I guess I never will.

I realize that God puts us through these situations for us to come to terms with the magnitude of our living. For every beginning there is an end. To dust do we belong and to that shall we return. But what we do within the time that is given to us is important. I feel that time is flying by and I need to stop, make myself useful, do good things and not wish for my purpose to be sent to me but to make a purpose out of myself.

This world is like a fistful of sand. The more we try to hold on to it, the more it slips away from us.

January Blogathon, life, life lessons

Day 21 – Intuition

Do you guys ever get that gut ‘feeling’? The feeling you get when you’re talking to a person whom you ‘think’ is shady and then he turns out be. The ‘feeling’ you get when you just know something is bad is going to happen. The ‘feeling’ that you can’t explain what but you sure as hell know isn’t right. Is that what they call a woman’s intuition?

There are some things you just know and feel in your bones. You don’t have a proper answer for it or a logical reason. Your answer is that you just ‘know’.

Always, ALWAYS listen to a women’s intuition.

America, college, Food, January Blogathon, life

Day 12 – Meals

My college used to have the BEST meals. Rice, sambar, kaara kozhambu, rasam, poriyal and one appalam – bliss. My friends and I used to eat in the canteen almost every other day. Some days the cook would be in a good mood and the kaara kozhambu would taste so good. Also, because it was a Muslim university they would serve biriyani every friday. They would run out of it within the first ten minutes of opening but if you did manage to get a plate then you’d know how tasty it was.
Meals is probably the best thing ever although you’d snooze in class after a good lunch. But here all they have for lunch are pasta, pizza and sandwiches. This never bothered me until now when I’m in a university environment and I’m reminded of my college, the canteen and inevitably the meals. And it doesn’t help that my friend is texting me about some drool worthy ‘fish meals’ she had in Manglore.
Sarvana Bhavan needs to have a spot on this campus.

January Blogathon, life, quotes

Day 11- Falling

Sometimes I wish for falling

Wish for the release

Wish for falling through the air

To give me some relief

Because falling’s not the problem

When I’m falling I’m in peace

Its only when I hit the ground

It causes all the grief


How does she know exactly what goes on in my head?

I used to have an emo phase. I toned it down quite a bit so I wasn’t your usual eye liner wearing, black clothes donning emo. I was smiley and sunshiny on the outside but I was pretty dark inside. Then, I grew up and had something that resembled a life but there were phases when I would revert back to my emo past. It felt good knowing that I could have another personality at arms length when I was tired of being this person that I am. But Florence makes emo look so good that I might consider it my permanent personality. Just got to dye my hair a flaming red and get Gucci to sponsor my clothes.

America, college, January Blogathon, life

Day 9 – Late

I know, I’m like so many days late for this blogathon. I should have ben more prepared! Scheduled posts or something but this past week, time was not on my side. I was either doing something or was too exhausted to even lift a finger. So now I’m way behind on this blogathon and I need to catch up!

I don’t have access to my computer that has pictures on it so I can’t do a picture post. I can’t think of anything thought provoking or fascinating to write about so I can’t do that either. Instead I’m going to type away on this computer.

So whats up Interwebz? How you been?

I’ve been good. University is pretty amazing. I love every bit of it, even the bits I don’t understand. Knowledge really is a wonderful thing. It makes you act differently, more responsibly, and I love that. I love listening about new things, new ideas, concepts that I’ve seen with my eyes but haven’t comprehended until now. I may be a walking, talking cliche but I love how interesting this week was.

Throughout school and college my mother would be the person to whom I would talk about my day to. I would give her the minute details of my day – what I ate, what my friends wore, what that other girl said, everything. It’s a habit that won’t wear off. Now I’ve replaced my mother with Jay and I force him to listen to what I say. Its lovely, just lovely.

I just ate a poppy seed bagel with granola peanut butter spread. I hope I don’t have bits of it when I smile at people.

Have a great day, people reading this!

January Blogathon, life, life lessons

Day 3 – Energy

I have finally realized the importance of surrounding oneself with positive energy. Every person radiates some sort of energy. I have found that being amongst happy, good spirited and humorous people does wonders for my state of mind. Weird as it may be, I find myself kind of absorbing and reflecting off the energy they give out.

I know how it is to live in the darkest recesses of the mind. A negative state of mind is even worse than being surrounded by negative people. It is the hardest thing, pulling yourself out from a sinking hold. It takes time, prayer and a lot of hope.

The greatest thing you can do to have a positive mind is to stay away from people who spew poison and negativity, the ones whose biggest dream is your downfall. If you can’t stay away from these people then the next best thing to do is to forget everything they say the moment the sound waves hit your ear.

America, life, life lessons


Happy new year, Interwebz!

If I had to recap 2013 I would say that it has really been a year of ups and downs. I went through some extreme lows questioning everything about me. But I managed to find the strength to pull myself out of the quick sand.

This year I intend to leave no room for self doubt. I finally have a purpose and something to keep my mind at work. I’m so excited to dive head-on in to it and find myself again. I’ve lost sight of myself for the longest time and I really want to work at finding ‘me’ again. I just read the previous sentence and realized how cliched it sounds but really, that’s what I want to do!

This year will be the year of Zarine, the year in which I will experience new things.

To a fabulous 2014!