Girl  : “Kelly, do you know what I’m going to get you for Christmas?”

Kelly : “What?”

Girl : “A backbone.”

Mom (trying on purple leather ballerinas) : How do these look, Kevin?
Son : They look like someone had to kill a snake for you to wear that.

Mom flings away the shoes and walks out in a huff.

Girl 1: “Oh, sorry. Excuse me.”

Girl 2: “Hey! I know you!!”

Girl 1: “I’m sorry. I don’t kn…”

Girl 2: “Yeah, we stalked you last night!”