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“If there was one thing I feared as I was growing up . . . 
No, that’s stupid. I feared hundreds of things: the dark, the death of my father, the possibility that I might rejoice the death of my mother, sums involving vernier calipers, groups of schoolboys with nothing much to do, death by drowning. 

But of all these, I feared the most the possibility that I might go mad too.”

– Jerry Pinto, Em and The Big Hoom

Girl  : “Kelly, do you know what I’m going to get you for Christmas?”

Kelly : “What?”

Girl : “A backbone.”

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“We have to keep trusting God. We can’t just trust God when he’s doing what we want. We have to trust him even when things are not as we would like them.”

– Family Life, Akhil Sharma

Immigration Officer : “Sir, you aren’t supposed to enter here. Can I help you?”

Man with Jamaican accent : “Yes, I’m looking for my baby.”

Immigration Officer : “Your baby??”

Man : “Yes. My fiancé. She’s waiting in the line.”

 

Best conversation I’ve ever heard.

 

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“My dramas don’t help me sleep, they simply allow me to pretend that I’m somebody else, someone who’s not lying saucer-eyed on a sweat-drenched mattress, watching minutes flap forward and awaiting the dawn of another dry day.”

– Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris

Mom (trying on purple leather ballerinas) : How do these look, Kevin?
Son : They look like someone had to kill a snake for you to wear that.

Mom flings away the shoes and walks out in a huff.

Girl 1: “Oh, sorry. Excuse me.”

Girl 2: “Hey! I know you!!”

Girl 1: “I’m sorry. I don’t kn…”

Girl 2: “Yeah, we stalked you last night!”