I don’t remember what happened yesterday. The only thing I remember is screaming that it’s bed time and forcefully turning the lights off because if it’s 8 pm and I’m not flat on a bed then we have trouble. I allow my son to play the fool most of the day but by 6 pm my anxiety starts rushing everything towards that sweet 8 pm bedtime. By the tine it’s evening time I literally cannot function because everything that has kept me standing from morning: hope, coffee, energy, the will to live, runs out as the day progresses. My senses are over stimulated all day so laying down in cold, dark room is calming for me.
It’s also been storming pretty badly here in the Bay Area. Generally I am a pretty good driver but yesterday it felt like my head wasn’t on my shoulders and I got beeped at by no less than four people. It is evident that my day dreaming needs to be controlled now. What else… I am in the process of throwing out half of everything I own. My house is filled with stuff. Stuff I don’t even need. 90% of the things I own are in the ‘just in case’ category. Just in case what? Don’t ask me, I don’t know. Just in case I need one hundred pillow covers, just in case I need fifty thousand scarves, just in case I need a carbon box, oh add it to the pile by the staircase. All rubbish things. I have thrown out so many THINGS these past few months and I still have a lot to go. I threw out the toys from my son’s toy bin. All the leftover toys, the broken parts, the toys with one million pieces but only two are remaining. the broken ones that I thought I’d fix, one wing of a toy airplane, I packed it all into a garbage bag and stuffed it into my garbage bin. The satisfaction that coursed through my veins was so sweet. My closet is going to get this treatment next time.
The weekend is almost here. Ever since I became a mother I have no concept of weekends. I do not look forward to waking up at 6 am on a Saturday but I got to. Sunday is sunday schools so we have to wake up early. So basically it is 6 am wake up every damn day. I remember during college time I’d sleep in until noon on Saturdays and my mother hated it. Those were the best days. Go to bed at 3 am and wake up at noon. Eat a KFC Zinger sandwich with a coke and a dessert and not worry about sluggish metabolism.
Okay, bye. See you tomorrow.