Posted on by Zarine Mohideen
“Some people turn sad awfully young. No special reason, it seems, but they seem almost to be born that way. They bruise easier, tier faster, cry quicker, remember longer and, as I say, get sadder younger than anyone else in the world. I know, for I’m one of them.”

– Ray Bradbury
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Don’t Leave Your Dessert In A Desert

There comes a point in life when you turn around and realize that you’ve been carrying extra baggage. Not emotional baggage but that big butt you’ve been lugging around for a long time. You fall on your knees and pray hard, “God, just make that thing disappear!!”. But right after that you drown all your sorrows in a big bar of Toblerone so that kind of cancels out your plea. 
The next morning you decide to put a full stop to your abysmal behavior. “That’s it”, you tell yourself. “No more scarfing down sweets in to this endless pit”. And then you go on a diet till it’s time for the next meal.
I have learnt that crash diets don’t work, fad diets don’t work, the Atkins diet doesn’t work even if all the celebrities are “doing it”, eating five “small” meals a day doesn’t work and depriving yourself of the most important food group – dessert, sure as hell does not work. So I have devised two new kinds of diet plan the “Eat Dessert First” plan aka “I-don’t-care-what-I-eat-but-please-let-me-have-dessert-first” plan and the “One Dessert, Two Spoons” plan.
EAT DESSERT FIRST

This is a very simple plan. All you have to do is follow it literally. Eat dessert first before your main meal. That way your craving is satisfied and you eat only half of your main course. 
Disclaimer : This doesn’t apply if you insist on eating the entire meal even after you’ve had dessert. If you do so then you have a problem.
ONE DESSERT, TWO SPOONS

Again literal translation applies here. Just remember that both the spoons are not for you. You order one portion of dessert and share it with another person. The only problem that this plan presents is that both of you have to agree upon which dessert to order.
Disclaimer : This plan doesn’t apply if you order two different desserts and share both. That’s just being greedy and you deserve to be slapped if you do that, you fatty.
Tiramisu at Tuscana Pizzeria, Nungambakkam

Fried Ice Cream at Benjarong, Alwarpet
If you watched ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ then you will remember the line that Drew Barrymore’s cute ex-boyfriend guy tells that neurotic pixie haired girl in the end – “I’m/You’re the exception”, or something along those lines. Anyway, the same concept applies for dessert. Just like how every rule has an exception, every dessert has an exception. In this case it is ice cream. Ice cream is good. Never share your ice cream. If someone approaches you with his tongue sticking out while you are contemplating which side to attack your ice cream from, then punch him. It’s okay. He deserved it.
Bavarian chocolate ice cream at Baskin Robbins, Kilpauk
Posted on by Zarine Mohideen · 2 Comments
Someday it feels like I’ve given up a lot; given up myself. I feel I should have fought harder and not have given in to the expected. I should have been stronger, fiercer. I know it isn’t too late but why does it feel like my space is limited? 
I feel claustrophobic. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe thinking of all the things I’ve given up. I can’t breathe thinking about all the things I want to do. I can see it on the horizon. It’s right there at arms distance. But my hands are tied and I have to succumb to the expected. I have I succumb to the person they want me to be. In this tug of war I feel that the person I want to be has been diluted. That’s exactly how I feel – dilute. Not a strong concentrated version of myself but a dilute liquid that has no power. Every time I think “no I’m just being a drama queen”, and push the thought away from my head. It feels like I’m lying to myself and the scary part is I know it and yet choose to believe the liar. 
I feel uninspired. I’m tired. Tired of waiting for things to happen instead of going out there and making it happen. I want to be out. I want to be free. I want to breathe. I feel parched and breathless, like every thought, every idea from my body has been sucked out. 
What’s left is what you want me to be. What’s left is how you view me. I look in the mirror and all I can see is a reflection. I can’t see the original. I can’t see myself but I sure as hell can see you staring back at me with those judging eyes telling me that it is wrong; what I think, what I feel and what I want to be, is wrong. “No that’s not what you want, tell me things I like to hear. Don’t tell me what you think. It doesn’t matter anymore”. It never did. So I’ve given up. I know the book of life tells me not to but what choice do I have when I loose every battle, when the will to fight has been drained out of my system.
I’m tired and I’m exhausted. I’m tired of fighting the battle within me. Tired of thinking like you. I’m tired of fighting between what you want and what I desire, supporting either sides of the argument, not letting go. There is a constant struggle inside me. Constantly making me think like two people. I can feel them on my shoulders. On one side I can see myself on the brink of all things great, with the world at my feet. On the other side I see you, telling me what’s good for me. I want to say “bring down the shackles!”. “Storm the fortress!” but I know I don’t want to hurt you. I know you mean well but would it hurt to stop telling me what is good for me? These mindless formalities, the urge to please everyone else but yourself, what good is it when you and I both know that we’ll be alone in our grave with no one to help us. You taught me that. And now your actions speak otherwise. 

My eyes are dry. My pool of tears has dried up. I feel stone hearted. All the deflecting emotions has led to this. Now I tell myself it doesn’t matter what happens. It doesn’t matter where I end up. I will still be skeptic inside, always feeling that things were to good to be true. Never trusting when a good thing comes my way. Always doubting, always thinking that there is a catch, like a Ponzi scheme, there is always a catch.

Posted on by Zarine Mohideen
During pilates today :

Lady 1 : I want to see Avengers!
Lady 2 : Oooh I went for night show. It’s okay only. My kids liked it.
Lady 3 : I don’t like superhero movies so I’m don’t want to watch it.
Lady 4 : What is Avengers?
Lady 3: It’s a movie with all the superheroes in it like Iron man, Hulk and all.
Lady 4 : Oh wow, Hulk Hogan is acting in a new movie, uh?!

She sounded so genuinely excited. I had to consciously keep from bursting in to laughter. 

Posted on by Zarine Mohideen

I was feeling a little down and out these past few days so I bought some flowers to cheer myself up. Just goes to show that everybody needs a little sunshine sometimes.

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I love me some nom nom.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
– Marcel Proust

Today started off as a pretty ordinary Saturday. Some days you wake up and you just know that the day is going to be fabulous, darling and some days you wake up knowing how utterly craptastic it is going to be. I woke up this morning with a pain in my rear and a head ache I knew was fast approaching. But thanks to the small things in life, today turned out to be quite okay. You know your lucky when a friend tells you how happy she is for you, “I feel so happy for you. I feel like Maggi. You know like how Maggi is so little and you put it in water and it becomes big? I feel like that!”. See her equating emotions with food? That’s a girl who will never let you down.
Today was also good because I found the cookie I’ve been searching my whole life for – Danish Butter Cookies. The cookie that defined my life and left me high and dry. The cookie that made a small appearance but left me wanting for more. I have been searching for this blue box for years, asking every relative who travelled to get me a box of these bad boys, but in vain. Today The Mother got them for me. You know it’s love when she gets you two big boxes of the cookies that no one else in the house eats. The cookies taste the same as I remember them to be although with a little less butter. Come on Danish Butter Cookie people! How can you hold back on the main ingredient; the title of your fat ridden cookies? Please remember that butter is ALWAYS good.
Now the cookie box resides next to me on my bedside. I feel like an old lady who has a box of lemon drops, handing them out to everyone. Except of course I will share my cookies only if I really like you.
So today I am thankful for the small mercies. The small things that happen that make life easier; and the people with big hearts who make life that much more fun.
Posted on by Zarine Mohideen · 2 Comments
“People aren’t either wicked or noble,” the hook – handed man said. “They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.”