Day 4

Happy new year! 2023 yay! New year, new me!

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, omg hi. I have missed blogging so much. Unfiltered, unedited thoughts, I’ve been missed having those. Actually, correction: I might have too many thoughts. Too many for my own good. I saw a few people from the old blogging days so a January Blogathon and I thought okay why not I’m also going to do it.

I’ve been more active on Instagram and although I am pretty jaded about it I still use it. But one thing that bothers me to high hell is people referring to instagram captions as blogging! No! NO! THAT’S not blogging! That’s writing a caption. Call it content or whatever you want but it’s definitely not blogging!!!

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I’ve been holding on to that opinion for so long and I am glad to get to ogg my chest. I truly miss the old blogging days. Signing into WordPress reading about the most mundane details of other people’s days. Just the best

***

Now to 2022. It went by in such a blur but I do remember some of the highlights. The best parts were that I did so many things outside my comfort zone. SO MANY. Started a business, did art workshops, slept in a car, camped in Death Valley, did my first solo road trip. So many things that helped my brain and my heart grow. Of course these are only highlights. I also spent many days crying on the bathroom floor, crying in bed, crying while I drove my car, sometimes no idea why I’m crying but allowed the tears to come anyway. And finally, finally, got to go back home to Madras. My heart can’t handle thinking about it because I miss it just so so so much. Not just the city and lovely bougainvillea but my family, my friends, my people, the food that I didn’t have to cook, the tea that magically appeared, no grocery shopping, doing laundry, cleaning the house. Just living and soaking up every single moment because I spent days, nights, months and years aching for home. I can never take that for granted anymore.

Anyway, let’s chit chat more tomorrow.

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Day 24 – Sugar

I have a few mini goals that I’d like to accomplish. I decide I won’t tell them to anyone (even The H) because every time I say I’m going to do something I end up not doing it. This time around I decided that in order to really push myself and make sure I do it, I will publish it on the Interwebz for the world to see. I will at least stick to my guns out of embarrassment.

I have decided to stay off sugar for a month. Pre marriage days I had a great diet. I didn’t eat any kind of sweets, reduced sugar in my tea, cut out the carbs and exercised a whole lot. But after the wedding with the stress of moving to a new place and finding that the new place was filled with delightful treats, all the clean eating went right out the window. Over the past year my diet has fluctuated a lot. I felt pretty good before I went to the Motherland for a vacation. I was reasonably okay while I was there too. But I came back home with suitcases filled with deep fried goodies and a huge load of sweets. I then proceeded to finish off everything diligently. Now I am lugging around an extra few pounds that I could do without. The first day I decided to stop the eating and start the exercising I tripped over my own feet and sprained my ankle. Murphy’s Law literally rules my life.

So I’ve finally decided that I will start off with one thing at a time. The first round is exercising and cutting out sugar for  a month. Since I intend to start this regime from Monday, I ended this week with two absolutely, mind-numbingly delicious cupcakes from Fairy Cupcakes. I honestly cannot stress how perfect they are.

Here’s to a sugar-free (and hopefully not cranky ’cause we already have PMS and God knows, if anything brings on the cranky its that) month!

Day 23 – Summer

Today was a long day. I had a huge salad and some extremely chewy Australian lamb for dinner. No meat tastes like good ol’ Indian mutton. The meat here had such a strong ‘lamb’ taste and I’m not a big fan of beef, although I’m trying to change that.

Goodnight Interwebz. My brain hurts if I think some more.

 

Side note: Could Summer just get here already? I’m tired of sweaters and layers. I need me some California sunshine and a day by the beach. Ahh.. the beach. I know what I’m dreaming of tonight.

Day 21 – Intuition

Do you guys ever get that gut ‘feeling’? The feeling you get when you’re talking to a person whom you ‘think’ is shady and then he turns out be. The ‘feeling’ you get when you just know something is bad is going to happen. The ‘feeling’ that you can’t explain what but you sure as hell know isn’t right. Is that what they call a woman’s intuition?

There are some things you just know and feel in your bones. You don’t have a proper answer for it or a logical reason. Your answer is that you just ‘know’.

Always, ALWAYS listen to a women’s intuition.

Day 17 – All caught up

Today was the second time in my life I went to the cinemas alone. To be honest, I was always hesitant to go alone. I’m the kind of person that loves to talk while watching a movie. Not in a way that it bugs others but just a quiet commentary whispered in to my partners ear. Annoying, I know but I can’t keep my thoughts to myself. 

The first movie I saw on my own was Wadjda. There were only five other people in the theatre but it didn’t bother me too much. I had my coffee and my Psycho Donut with me. The movie was one of the most brilliant foreign films I’ve seen.

Today I went for August: Osage County. Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep were both amazing. The movie made me cry at least three times. This is the first time I’ve ever cried in a theatre! Some of the scenes were just too heart wrenching. I love a good movie and I love a good cry.

I also realized that I now love to be my own plus one whether it be to a movie or to lunch. I’m pretty good company, you guys.

Day 16 – Part 2: Farhan

Farhan felt his wife stir beside him. He was a light sleeper and woke up at the slightest sound. Three hours till sunrise and he needed to get all the sleep he could get. Tomorrow, like every other day, was going to be a long one.

***

The sun was up and the smell of dal was in the air. Farhan woke up, kissed the baby and began to do his morning ablutions. He loved his morning showers. That’s the only place he felt safe enough to air his thoughts. Some days he wished the water from the shower would drown him. But ten minutes later he turned it off and stepped out.

The past week was hard on him. He had attended his college reunion and came face to face with bits of his past. He met friends whom he lost contact with, or broken contact with, to be exact. They were talking about Ruhi, about how she was the glue and they all missed her. “But I miss her the most”, thought Farhan.

He hadn’t seen her in four years. People had warned him about tying down a free spirit and he didn’t listen. They were right. Nothing could hold her back, not the love she had for him, not the proposal he offered her. She needed to leave. She was a wild-child and there was nothing more this city could offer her, she said. “I love you, but we’re different Faru. You want the perfect family and I want adventure.”, that’s the last thing she ever said to him.”Maybe one day we will be together”. Farhan nodded but in his heart he knew that it would be the last time he saw those brown eyes.

Bang!

The sounds from the kitchen were louder today. Breakfast consisted of the usual fare. Everything in his life was so systematic – study well, get a good job, have a great love, marry a beautiful girl, car, baby, house. There was no uncertainty with anything. Even Asma made sure to that. She was always perfect in everything she did. But Farhan never noticed her eyes. They said so much without uttering a single word. He was living in his real life fantasy and he never saw how distanced from reality his wife was. He didn’t know the sacrifices she had made. But he made sure to tell her about his past as he wasn’t one for keeping secrets. Asma took it in her stride and never questioned him about it.

He couldn’t help but compare her to his lost dream. Asma had long beautiful, shiny brown hair while Ruhi’s curls were a force to be reckoned with. Asma was always so polite, in fact a little too polite and Ruhi was explicit at the most inappropriate times. He didn’t want to make this comparison. But it suddenly felt like Ruhi was back in his life and had taken control of his thoughts, “But not my heart”, he prayed. He did not want to succumb to the fantasy of what-could-have-been.

As Asma busied herself around the table, Farhan looked at her, for the first time in a long time, with hope. “I can change things around. I just need to want it strong enough.” He got up, drank his last sip of tea, kissed his daughter on her head and was ready to leave. Asma got him his things and he was almost out the door when something held him back. He turned around and looked at Asma.

“Did you forget something?”

“No, I didn’t.”

He gave his perfect wife a peck on the cheek and was off.