Posted on by Zarine Mohideen · 1 Comment

Beyonce Bowl.

Yesterday I watched the ‘greatest sporting event in the world’, American football. Greatest sporting even in the world because half the world just wanted to watch the half time show and the remaining half is America. I don’t understand American football. I don’t want to even attempt to understand it. Because it’s sports and I’m a woman, so according to GoDaddy’s controversial Super Bowl ad I’m just supposed to wear lipstick and look like Bar Rafeli in a mini dress while men, specifically fat nerds do all the work.

Beyonce performed at the half time show. Girlfriend wanted to prove that she could sing after the inauguration lip sync fiasco so she wore a costume that proved as a necessary distraction. Man, you should have seen her strutting her stuff on six inch heels. The only reason I liked Beyonce was because she promoted a good body image for young girls. She isn’t emaciated thin but round and curvy and girls know that it’s okay to be that way and not anorexic. But wearing glorified lingerie even if it is leather and Chantilly lace is taking things too far.

Are we now telling girls that strength is determined by how little clothes you can wear? That confidence can only be shown by showing how “comfortable” you are with your sexuality? We are saying no, sex isn’t just for the bedroom, it’s okay to walk out and say it like you mean it. Some people call this pop culture. I’m sorry, but I think is just a poor excuse.

Girls need to have stronger role models. Women who have stood up and fought for what’s right, women who are smart. Not a woman who is SO confident with her sexuality that is ready to wear only highly essential pieces of clothing.

The world is so biased that young girls who look to music as an escape from a terrible present are presented with a fatwa since music is considered ‘bad’ on one side of the world and the other end of the world appreciates how finely Beyonce gyrates.

Posted on by Zarine Mohideen · 6 Comments

Is it clean or is it green?

Today I put a bunch of clothes in the washer. Actually, I put too many clothes inside and the washer stopped working. So I took out half the amount of clothes and a red dress whose colour I know for a fact runs. I put two cycle of clothes in the washer. I thought I was smart, taking out the red dress and all. I opened the washer and the clothes looked alright to me. I put them in the drier, happy that I had accomplished this task without any major blunders.

Fourty minutes later the drier beeped. I opened the drier and found that the green color from some random piece of clothing had managed to run. A few of my clothes had grey/green streaks all over and my white t shirt was white no more. I’ve now learnt my lessons : two loads in the washer, one for color and one for white clothes. Also, don’t think you are smarter than the washer.

Posted on by Zarine Mohideen · 2 Comments

Day 29

I spent the better part of my morning searching for my house keys which happened to be in the first place I looked. I then went for a run and got some strange looks and a half smile ’cause I was the crazy girl with a red turban on my head. I saw a homeless man and a lady with a gorgeous Gucci bag. I managed to turn away from getting my hot chocolate fix at Starbucks which wasn’t too difficult ’cause the new barista there doesn’t make it the way I like it.

I then came home and spent a couple of hours making a fabulous lunch/dinner (linner? dunch?), which I then proceeded to eat while watching Friends. Now I got coffee from the apartment lobby and started typing out this blog post forcefully. I will continue to wait for Jay to come home so that we can eat my fabulous dinner, watch Pretty Little Liars and sail away to a happy oblivion.

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“Dogggg!!!”, is what I say the most.

I miss Madras. I miss waking up to the crows cawing. I found them extremely annoying when I lived there but now I miss them. The only animals (not that I love animals) I come in contact with are obese cat and huge, mutated squirrel. I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with cockroaches and lizards in this country. But I did have a little somethin’ somethin’ with the bed bugs. On a cold night. With no comforter. Not a very pleasant experience.

I may not come in contact with too many animals on a day to day basis but I do find myself running away from the most perfectly behaved dogs. The dogs here are creepy. They are so well trained that they do not bark. At all. I find this unnatural. In Madras where I lived there was a dog on my street that would bark at and chase every moving vehicle that went across. Ok, that might have been the rabies barking, but still, I’m used to stray dogs growling at me. That gave me the reason to cross the street to the other side. Here I don’t have a reason to run away from the dogs and that irks me to no end.

I live in an apartment that is dog friendly and I jump a mile when there is a dog in my vicinity  This somehow insults the dog owners and they tell me “It’s okay, he’s friendly.”.  I get that lady, but I’m not friendly.

There are some dogs that sens my dislike even behind closed doors. I have a neighbor who brightens up my mornings by playing the piano. She/He also has a dog in her/his house. This dog has the sixth sense because every time I walk outside his door he CAN SENSE ME WALKING AND HE BARKS EVERY TIME. And I run every time, but you know that already. Maybe I might lose some weight that way. Just keep a doggy at the end of the treadmill and watch me fly!

Posted on by Zarine Mohideen

Thank you.

There are times when I forget to be thankful. I go long periods without realizing the small mercies in life that I should be thankful for. I just continue to live my life, happy in my own bubble when it suddenly hits me that I haven’t thanked Him for anything. I wake up every morning assuming this how it is going to be every day. I don’t realize that I may not wake up one day. I have food and water at my disposal. I don’t think twice about turning on the heat when I feel cold. I take it all for granted when suddenly it hits me – all this could be taken away from me at any second. I see homeless people outside my house wrapped up in what little clothes they can find, braving the cold and my heart is humbled and my eyes fill with tears. I silently whisper a prayer to Him to protect the people who don’t have much. I thank Him for giving me everything I need and more. For giving me a warm and comfortable house, for family that loves me no matter what, for a husband who is kind and for my life as a whole. I’m thankful to be alive today, that I can go out and feel the wind. I’m thankful to Him for keeping me safe and happy. I hope to become a better person, to be more thankful, to be more faithful to Him for He has made my life a wonderful one. Thank you, for every single blessing.

 

Posted on by Zarine Mohideen

Cheater.

I know I missed a day in between but let’s move on and act like it never happened, okay? Okay. So for today’s post I’m going to cheat a bit and quote my favorite writer Edith Wharton :

“In spite of  illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.”

– Edith Wharton

That one sentence just sums up our life and everything we hope to do.

Posted on by Zarine Mohideen

Blegh.

Some mornings I wake up feeling bright and happy. By the time night comes I’m floating in self pity. This is something that was most familiar to me. I tried so hard to come out of it. But it felt like quick sand and I felt myself being sucked in again. And again. Is there no end to this madness? Is there no end to this darkness that eats away my soul? What is going to make me feel better? A tub of ice cream or a time machine? The distant future doesn’t seem so distant anymore. It always feels like opportunities are flying past me. Stop and think. Stop and grab.

 

Or maybe it’s just PMS.

Posted on by Zarine Mohideen

Phoenix

As humans we are so judgmental. Whether we accept it or not, we are judgmental some way or the other. We shouldn’t assume something about a person without knowing their story. It took me a while to realize that every one has a story. Every one has fought demons, sailed through oceans, conquered their fears and have arrived at this point, this place in life. And we take the liberty to judge them based on the little knowledge that we have. This knowledge has made you who you are. We don’t think think that not every one needs to have the same life lesson. We are all broken, trying to fix the pieces of our lives. We are trying to save what little is left. We are trying to gather the ruins and form a decent version of ourselves. Everyone is struggling. Everyone is fighting demons on the inside. Everyone wants to be the Phoenix. We all want to rise from the ashes, for in that strength lies our lives and everything that we live for.

This is more a letter to myself. I need to keep reminding myself of this often.

Posted on by Zarine Mohideen

Me and my kuchi ice.

This blogging every day in January gig is proving to be harder every day. I have to wake up each morning and search inside my head to come up with something that’s even passable. It doesn’t help that its cold and dreary outside. No, something has to rain on my usual sunshine-y demeanor  I’ve been informed that the cold weather will end only at the end of February, maybe even March. I am so ready for summer already.

I loved summer holidays as a kid. Endless hours watching tv, playing with the apartment kids and scrumptious food provided my mommy dearest. You could say it was the perfect summer. But the one entity that had to dampen my spirits was the saravana Bhavan ice cream man. He would ring his little bell on his little vandi all the way to my street. I could hear the bell even at the far end of the house and would run as fast as my pudgy legs could carry me. There were times when I’ve even chased him down the street. We have all done things we are not proud of, so let’s not dwell on this?

All this hullabaloo was just to get my hands on the best kuchi ice ever – the grape flavored kuchi ice from Saravana Bhavan. So delicious, so slurpy, I’ve been know to inhale it three at a time. Good for me that my mother had the same interest in kuchi ice that I did.

But after a few years the losers at Saravana Bhavan decided to discontinue grape ice. And that’s where my story had to end. But it’s okay, I found the second best kuchi ice – Sravana Bhavan orange kuchi ice.

photo (2)Orange kuchi ice, outside Saravana Bhavan, with mother as the back drop.

Posted on by Zarine Mohideen

I’m doing okay.

People in this country are so friendly, it took me a while to get used to it. I come from Chennai where people are not particularly that friendly. I mean, I never had the experience of walking to my local grocery store (Ayyanar Stores) and have the boy who works there ask me how I’m doing today. I would just go and be like one Maggi packet please . I then pay him the money and leave. But here it’s hard. I have to always think of response to the question “Hey how you guys doing?”. Initially I would just smile and walk away but later I realized the pressure of having something to say in response to that question which seems to be the first thing every store clerk wants to ask. Do I tell them the truth that I’m not doing that great or do I just say oh I’m doing good, how are you and have a conversation that both of us really don’t want to be in? After a while I seemed to have found a response that can’t be deemed as curt or lengthy. I just say fine, thanks and give them a dazzling smile. I thought I worked that out just fine and was out of the danger zone. But then the cashiers at the department store started saying “Have a good night, guys!” when we left. I was stumped. What do I do now? Smile, nod or say “You too”? I settled for smile and nod. I didn’t want to hold up the line.

In Chennai the only person with whom I had to actually converse with outside my immediate circle was the auto man with his permanent request of “meter ku malle anju roova“. Of course I had to say no I cannot part with my anju roova you thief and then we would engage in a little not so friendly banter that would end with me just giving him the anju roova to make him shut up.

I miss the good old days when I could just leave the house without having someone ask me how I’m doing and me having to evaluate my feelings of the day. Some days I don’t want to know how I’m doing, perky Starbucks girl, so please just give me my hazelnut hot chocolate and let me get on with my day.

And no whipped cream, thank you very much.